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[02 Feb 2014|09:35am]

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---Sex Appeal?---

Relapse Part 1 [04 Mar 2011|04:45pm]
[ mood | full ]

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

I relapsed. And so, inevitable as it truly is, insanity plaques my everyday. I started using again back in July i think, and i found myself using more than i ever did in the past. I was trying to feel "that way" again. I wanted that same rush, but no matter how much I smoked, snorted or shot into my veins... that feeling always eluded me. It wasn't long after I started chasing that feeling that my life would start to unravel. It started at work. I was having a VERY difficult time being punctual. I ended up being fired for my truancy's at the end of it all. But before then, my performance was no doubt affected. I started causing diversions by setting my coworkers against each other in an effort to deflect from my drug problem. Its only now that i see that. So I lost my job, and I traded all my honest friends who had integrity and such for drug addicted hooligans that honestly didnt care to bother with integrity, unless of course it was the only way to get another sac. They let me down as I did them, but that goes without saying. My family was the hardest part. How could I be putting them through this AGAIN? AGAIN?????? After all they have endured already, i made them suffer and cry and fear, and worst of all... lose hope. After all that they still visit me every weekend i was in rehab. EVERY WEEKEND. They were proud of me for doing what normal people do without praise everyday.

Im sorry, consider this part one. I need to stop for now...

2 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

[07 Nov 2009|09:35am]
[ mood | amused ]

My problem with strating this whole journal up again is where do i begin? lol Its been awhile. Umm, I guess I'll leave you nbow to go think about it. I gotta drive my mom to her sister's right down the street and then its on like Donkey Kong, I believe. lol


---Sex Appeal?---

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas.... But I Think I'll Miss This One This Year [25 Dec 2006|01:06pm]
[ mood | thankful ]

Merry Christmas everybody! I'm at my ex-boyfriends house in L.A. spending christmas with him and his family. I saw my family yesterday, we got together on christmas eve due to conflicting scheduels and stuff. I got some pretty good gifts, Im grateful and content. I had a blast though last night at Steven's (my ex) family get together. We didnt leave until 1 in the morning. His family are all so nice, sweet, and funny as hell. I dont know why I was so nervous...

Steven asked me to join them when they took family photos. I was sooooo touched. Anywho, Im here in LA until tomorrow, then its back home and back to work. I just thought Id try to get back in the habit of using my livejournal once more by sharing how my holiday went, and of course to wish you all a very merry christmas.

Peace out bitchez! :P

3 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

Ho Ho Ho (This Post Is Not About Me) [24 Dec 2006|08:43am]
[ mood | good ]

So its christmas eve. Im not that excited. Im old enough to know theres no Santa, and I pretty much know what Im getting for christmas...

Im going to my grandmas at around two, but before I get there Im making a pit stop at Bakers to pick up my gift from Rian, which by the way Im already aware of what it is. :P When I get to my grandmas we're all gonna open ONE gift, and then have a big fancy dinner and yah, then its back to San Bernardino with my mom. Im gonna have my gifts with me and Im to open them on christmas, though I'll probably open them the minute my mom drops me off. Mwahahahahaha!

So anyway, Happy Holidays everyone!! I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas!

---Sex Appeal?---

Light Grenades [23 Dec 2006|10:27pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

Oh livejournal. How I miss the days when you were hip and stuff. *sigh*

2 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

[29 Oct 2006|10:33am]
[ mood | calm ]

Hello all. If any of my dear dear friends still use their LJ, hit me up. I just hope you all havent become sell outs to that damned myspace.

P.S. Hit me up and I'll link you to my myspace. lol What? haha For real though, I have pictures and shit on it, so yah. Holla back!



4 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

[15 Jul 2005|12:14am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

So as mentioned in my last entry, I desperately wanted to step back in time. Well, Don, My best friend of like 3 years now, agreed to letting me move in as a roomate. I move in tomorrow. No more grandma. No more bad ass little brother, and the drug world he brings into this fucked up house. Im FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

You dont know how happy I am. Don saved my life. Again. He's giving me the gift of independence. I love him.

Now all I need is a job...

4 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

All you can do is, step back in time [27 Jun 2005|08:42pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]


Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Ok, so it's been forever and a day but what the fuck ever. "My space" is the new lj anyway. Or so everyones been saying. Anyhow, if you're reading this you are my friend, or you were at one point. Either way, you know I have the tendancy to get corny at times. In the mood for corn? No, thats not a typo. I didnt just inquire if you wanted to watch porn. Actually, I tried to imply with a little dash of wit that I'm feeling nostalgic. Here goes...

I've been stressed as fuck lately what with the demands of this new adulthood bullshit and today especially was just ugh, omg. Anyway, everything is fucked up right now and the only thing i have to be happy about is my sobriety. Oh, and Geri Halliwells new album. Anyway, I went back and read my prehistoric entries and it inspired optimism, motivation, and assurance that lifes not that fucked up. Its life. And it rocks. Especially in 2003 and 2004. But, Im gonna take Kylie Minogues advice and step back in time. I wanna go back to the fun and "innocent" times. Back before the drug use, shattered heart broken soul. Back before I knew what the inside of juvenile hall looked like. And, though I cant get there literally and physically... whos to stop me from mental time travel. As crazy as I might sound right now, I dont care. Anything is worth getting rid of the bitterness and emptiness the present contains. As for the future, lets just say I havent been this scared since right before I got on the superman ride for the first time at six flags.

Didnt mean to whine your ear off. Actually, my intention was to thank livejournal and all the people who contributed to documenting happier times for me. I love you all. Pray for me. - Mike
7 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

Pop, Stop, Drop, Hot!! [21 Oct 2004|01:57pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

I fell off the face of the earth for a while, but I'm officially back. Hello, yes, it's really me, the infamous Mike. :-)!! First of all, I miss eveyone soooo much, and I hope you all are doing just fabulous. Hi Steve, DON, Arnah, Lanna, Richie, JASON, Curtis, Paul, Josh, and anyone else I forgot! You guys read what my crackhead brother wrote about me? Apparently I'm some crazy, child molesting, drug using psycho who needs to be put to sleep. Oh, and I beat old ladies. Ok now, honestly, that shit hurt my feelings at first. How could my own brother break into my livejournal and write all of these horrible things about me? Ok, yes. I did get arrested. But Sean wasn't a victim of a "deep stab wound" or however he exaggerated it to be. For anyone who has siblings, you know fighting is inevitable. And when drugs are involved, it becomes a bit more violent. The whole thing was BS. Straight up retarded, I kid you not. But, having said that. I'm glad it happened. I was on drugs and it WAS a serious problem. I literally almost lost my life. Thankfully, I got arrested and had an opportunity to get sober, which to this day, I still am. If I hadn't of been arrested, I'd still be in the scene. But all that's old news. I'm doing sooooo freakin good right now and I'm sooooo happy that I'm back to myself and god. I could hug you. I'm happy. That's just best thing in the world. To be happy. I made it "through the rain" (scuse me mariah) and I'm stronger and happier than ever. Yay! :-P I couldn't have done it without my mom though. Seriously you guys. I mean, a lot of the past six months I've had to depend a lot on my own self to get through things, but I wouldn't be where I am right now if my mom didn't love and care for me so. She's been my backbone. No, she IS my backbone. And I will never, mock my words, NEVER do anything to jeopardize our relationship again. Ok ok ok ok ok, enough about that. You guys email me back or leave comments because I miss you guys so fucking much it stings. Ok? Love you guys...

<3 Mike

22 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

Oh Im Out Of My Mind [14 Apr 2004|09:51am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

If anyone saw my away message that I used last night, then you'd come to the understanding perhaps that I wasn't very happy. Now, this is just a possibility. A big maybe. Nah, I made it clear that I was pissed I guess. And I was, very much so. I dont like singling people out and such but... Steven Fletcher you mother fucker!


He's my ex btw. He wants to get back together but Im not really ready nor willing for any kind of relationship right now. Anyway, we're really really close and Im pratically not following my whole no relationship trip Im on or whatever. Cos we say I love you still and babe, and all that shit that couples do. Anyway, hes the one person whos been there for me no matter what, and the one person who I think understandably so, should be here for me now. I spent the last couple of days crying, alone, and just fucked. It was horrible, seriously. I dont ever remember feeling so hurt and sad. It was major, tears just ran. And the simple fact that nobody bothered to ask me what was wrong, or comfort me in any way whatsoever, led to more and more tears. Anyhow, Steve totally blew me off but not before bragging about some guy whos interested in him that he's apparently all upset cos he cant call him or some shit. I dunno.Somethings wrong with me, no joke. lol I feel like, crazy in the head. Im trying to find myself and blah blah blah blah blahhhh! Stupid teenage shit, you get me. Anyway, Im struggling with a lot of things and I feel like I dont have anyone I can talk to about it. I also feel that I shouldnt talk about my problems either, cos everyone has problems... thats life. I dont want to come of as a whiner, but at the same time... I need help.

Today is my little brothers birthday whom by the way were getting ready to take ta school. Yay for him. Crackhead. Im so fucking past the whole drug scene now, and Sean makes it really hard for me to cope and live in my own house. He had people over last night until like 1 doing drugs in his room. Our curfew is 11. Ugh. Shes no fucking help anymore. I swear, she just doesnt fucking care. Oh, unless youre that fucking rabbit of hers or her pimped out hotrod thingy in the garage.


Anyway, I forgot about why I decided to make a post in the first place. I just wanted to say thanks to both Jason and Jose but especially Jason. For those who dont know him, hes the shiznit. He USED to be my best friend but then he got too cool for me. Shocker. lol.. He's all, "No its not!" :-P Anyway, your IM cheered me up bitch, and even if you dont get around to calling me today, just that alone was enough to make me smile. But forget that, pick up the phone you fuck. I'll be waiting. :P Love you. Oh and Jose, youre the bomb too. Thank ya kindly :) And Ill try to give you a call today if any celebration of my evil brothers birth starts to take place. :p

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Im done.

---Sex Appeal?---

US [04 Apr 2004|01:53am]
I want to know why
You're letting this die
Without the blink of an eye
You say that you need time
I say you'll be fine

If you would only see
Like you did before
You became imprisoned
Can I reopen the door

You say it doesn't matter
Then tell me what does
And why that isn't what
You've been thinking of
You say it's never easy
Then tell me what was
Is it never worth the pain
Could you believe it was
When life keeps living
That's what life keeps giving
To us

Once we were one mind
Drifting in one time
And ever true
We were friends
But something is gone from my
Picture of this life

If we could only see
Like we did before
We became imprisoned
Can I reopen the door

You say it doesn't matter
Then tell me what does
And why that isn't what
You've been thinking of
You say it's never easy
Then tell me what was
Is it never worth the pain
Could you believe it was
When life keeps living
That's what life keeps giving
To us

The hope has vanished from your eyes
You were my faith and one truth
There's every reason to get through
And you're why I know there's a reason

Thats a really cool song. Why, if Celine Dion was able to write any of the songs she sings especially this one, Id love the skinny bitch. Not as much as you though Steve... you'll always be the first bitch on my list of bitches whom I love. :p

I love you! You little bitch! :P Just kidding. Seriously though, us is always, I promise.

<3 Mike
1 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

[23 Mar 2004|02:55am]
I dont really have anything to say. No, I take that back. I have something on my mind that has to do with friends of mine that kinda hurt my feelings over and over again today and also managed to piss me off quite a few times. And for no reason. Maybe Im just not worth considering. Even if I try to be as kind as kind can be, it doesnt seem to matter. Maybe no matter how fucking kind I wanna be, Im not worth feeling guilty over. Ugh. Whats wrong with me? Or whats wrong with everyone else? Today was one of those days where I felt completely ugly in every way. Ugh, seriously, I couldnt look in the mirror. Its weird. But thats what I get though. I know better than to let a few people get me down like this, even if my brother is one of them. No one should have the power to bring me down like this. But, I guess because I have no one around showing me love or whatever, its hard to shake off. I met someone today though. Hes pretty cool. We dont have any kind of solid friendship but it helps. He'll prolly end up being my boyfriend... we sort of vibed on each other that way. This helps a little, yah, but again, it aint solid or anything. At least I have hope. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Anyway, I didnt wanna go into anything depressing when I started, I apologize if it seems IM whining. I dont even feel like updating to be honest. But I want to start getting used to frequent updates cos Ive been really neglective lately. Oh and not only that, PAULY said that I should so yah, I did.

Im done.

4 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

[22 Mar 2004|03:56am]
So hey everyone. Its been awhile I guess. Umm, things have been cool I guess. In fact, well, I didnt exactly call ms. cleo or anything, but I have a feeling starting tomorrow things will be a bit better. :)

Im talking to Jason right now, which by the way reminds me to thank him for allowing me to come over in my time of need. Thanks Jason. I appreciated that sooo much considering the circumstances. *hug* -kid

Anyway, Jason as we ALL know wont ever shut the fuck up, and im getting really annoyed by his aim tab blinking in my eye over and over again. So Im gonna go change the settings on the tab windows, and then prolly go to bed. I might update tomorrow though, but dont hold your breath. Right Steven? :P Night!
5 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

I see you lookin my way... [13 Mar 2004|12:00am]
Hmmm, I wanted to write something specific but I forgot. So, I guess I'll just use this time to let everyone know I'm still breathing. *inhales* See. Im gonna go call this Brian character now, and then I'll prolly go to bed. Late.
2 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

[29 Jan 2004|04:02am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Wow. Just wow.

I wanna pity, blame and hate myself right now, but some christina aguilera song pops into my head after a while telling me to soar or some shit.


*spreads wings*

Don Jason and Mike are no more. Clossure took place between Jason and I about an hour ago. He smiled in my face and told me he loved me and shit, but then went and made an entry talking shit about me. I mean really talking shit... it almost hurt my feelings. lol Im just extremely puzzled. I thought Jason was better than that, I truly did. Sad. I guess he was right when he said we all had changed during our time away from each other, but I guess as to where I changed for what I believe is the better, jason did not. Why did I assume he did? Oh well. Life goes on. Hope all works out for them. See ya at the Grammy's.

4 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

The warmth biotches! [25 Jan 2004|01:02am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Im so like happy for some reason right now. I got my best friend whom I love and appreciate so so SO fucking much sitting right here next to me. Shes more than just a friend if you know what I mean, but that whole thing is wayyy too complicated to go into right now. I donno. WHat else? Im talking to who I believe is like my soulmate or some shit... Steven. Best boyfriend EVER! I wasnt exactly returning of the favor at the time... but someday hopefully I can make up for it. Who knows? But umm, I dont know. Im just in a reallly good mood and I thought Id share it.

Not everyone on this planet is that fucked up.

5 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

[23 Jan 2004|11:12am]
[ mood | good ]

Even though there is all this bullshit surrounding me at all times it seems like, Im good. I feel content knowing that Im not part of it. And although outnumbered, Im not scared but helplessly doubtful sometimes though. I have myself. I no longer feel the need to go out and have sex for one. I used to do it because it made me feel loved or it validated my hottness or some shit. Either way, I was depending on someone else to decide how I felt about myself. Fuck that. I know what I got now. And I definetly dont wanna go out and share it with just anyone. Ugh. I feel like Im of less value because of all the shit I used to do. But thats in the past so fuck it. I feel really good about myself right now. Im learning who I am. As opposed to when I spent the duration of last year trying to find it like it was a lost cell phone or something. Its a slow process, and as long as you do what you feel is right.... youll be happy and content in the end. Im not gonna let my childhood issues hold me back anymore. Anyway, I dont know if anyone understands or not but I dont really give a shit. Im done with all this serious talk about the meanings of life and whatnot... blah. I have a few dollars and Im hungry. What should I do? Its sad, Ive eaten like evrything in the house. Literally. I seriously like ate up all the food. I cant stop eating!!! Im trying to gain weight and its just not working. I eat wayyyyy more than I used to ever and I cant gain a pound. But yah, no food to eat. At least I have pepsi to drink tho. *nods* uh huh uh huh uh huh No plans today, besides eat that is. Unless yoyo comes over or wants to go out. Man, I love that girl. Yoyo is da shit! Such a blessing. Oh gaud, you have no idea. Gotta go for now, Steve's on and Im gonna call Sean and have him grab me some grub on his way home.

---Sex Appeal?---

[17 Nov 2003|11:19am]
[ mood | crappy ]

Everyone is stupid. Society, what our world has become makes me ashamed to be human. Ugh. I hate ignorance. Ive never had this much trouble with being gay ever. Im tired of it being treated like its wrong. Love is love. I love Joey and just because he's of the same sex, doesnt mean its not valid or that its less significant. Faggot, queer, homo... Im fucking tired of it. Im a human being. I wish I was a girl. Not really, I love my penis. But if I was a girl, I could give Joey what he wants and I know, I just fucking know Id make him the happiest boy alive and provide him with the lack of love and happiness that he so deserves. I feel ugly. He's talking about leaving soon. I miss him already.

I have to thank him for that night before he goes... and for everyday spent with him for that matter. Every second, wether we were fighting or fighting some more... I always and will always love Joey R. I gots to go, he needs to check his email. I should be in school...

11 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

[09 Nov 2003|12:28am]
1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Michael Lamont Scott
5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Umm, this nasty sandwich type thing I made outta hot dogs. The last GOOD thing I ate, was some eggs and toast Joey made me. Twas bomb. J
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Cold, but not too cold.
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Andrea I think, no, my mom.
10.Do YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? Very, very much so. Although, he didn’t send it to me. He printed it out I think and left it on my computer. Im just filling it out for fun.
11. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Im eh. Im good. It started off kinda bad, woke up at 2, both Sean and Joey were gone. So I cleaned house, listened to music, etc. etc. Im kinda having trouble coping with seeing someone I love with someone else, but that’s daily. Umm, but today was pretty cool overall, I just got out of the shower and Im feelin clean and shit. Now I get to spend the night with Sean and more importantly Joey… so who knows? Maybe it’ll get even better. :D
12. FAVORITE DRINK? Hmm. Tough. I don’t have an actual favorite drink, I mean, I do based on like the type. Soda, juice, etc. etc. But the first thing that popped into my head was a Starbucks vanilla crème frappucino, so I guess that’s my fav.
13.FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Ummm, rum, I think. Anything but Brandy I pretty much like.
14. HEIGHT? 6’1
15. HAIR COLOR? Black
16. EYE COLOR? Brown
17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yah, mostly hazel.
19. FAVORITE MONTH ? February! Aside from it being my birthday, I loooooove the weather. And its also the shortest month of the year too. J
20. FAVORITE FOOD? I like plain american foods mostly. Just gimme a hamburger and some fries and Im straight. I like other foods too, but Im a fast food freak at heart.
21. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Shit… Independence Day I think?
24. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? I don’t know if Im shy, or more so scared. :P But that’s just with this one particular person I guess. Umm, no, usually Im not. I asked my last two boyfriends out so…
25. DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING MOVIES BETTER? Scary Movies, most happy ending movies are too unrealistic. Gimme a death scene ending anyday.
26. SUMMER OR WINTER? WINTER! I fucking hate the sun. *shakes fist*
27. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses.
28. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? I used to be a one night stand-aholic, but I think Id like a long term relationship these days.
29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM? It keeps switching! Right now its vanilla again.
30. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? Umm, stupid question motha fucka. But it doesn’t apply to me anyway, seeing as how Im friendless these days. The small amount of friends I do have, think Im too much of a drama queen to waste time writing to.
31. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Umm, I dunno you fucking dick. Your mama perhaps?
33. LIVING ARRANGEMENT? Im living with my grams and my little brother and the sexiest, most beautiful, most sweetest guy ever.
34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Umm, soul survivors.
35. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don’t have one.
36. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Monopoly or Scrabble.
37. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Hung out? I have a bad memory…
38. FAVORITE SMELL? I forgot.
40. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU DO BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP? I couldn’t possibly answer this question unless I knew with a relaxed heart that there weren’t any children reading it. If you’re thinking read the bible, you need help.
41. WHAT HAPPENED ON THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE? My lonliness and solitude was taken away on my bathroom floor by the same guy who’s saved my life literally, like twice. Walked down a street as the sun came up, played with some horses. And then got it all taken away from me the following day. Fun!
42. BEATLES OR STONES? Ooooh, tough one. Seeing as how I know more beatles material, Ill go with them.
43. FAVORITE PHRASE? Did you just call me a bitch?
44. IDEAL VACATION? Anywhere but here. And with Joey. J
6 Have It ---Sex Appeal?---

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