Mike (sxydddy16) wrote,

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Relapse Part 1

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

I relapsed. And so, inevitable as it truly is, insanity plaques my everyday. I started using again back in July i think, and i found myself using more than i ever did in the past. I was trying to feel "that way" again. I wanted that same rush, but no matter how much I smoked, snorted or shot into my veins... that feeling always eluded me. It wasn't long after I started chasing that feeling that my life would start to unravel. It started at work. I was having a VERY difficult time being punctual. I ended up being fired for my truancy's at the end of it all. But before then, my performance was no doubt affected. I started causing diversions by setting my coworkers against each other in an effort to deflect from my drug problem. Its only now that i see that. So I lost my job, and I traded all my honest friends who had integrity and such for drug addicted hooligans that honestly didnt care to bother with integrity, unless of course it was the only way to get another sac. They let me down as I did them, but that goes without saying. My family was the hardest part. How could I be putting them through this AGAIN? AGAIN?????? After all they have endured already, i made them suffer and cry and fear, and worst of all... lose hope. After all that they still visit me every weekend i was in rehab. EVERY WEEKEND. They were proud of me for doing what normal people do without praise everyday.

Im sorry, consider this part one. I need to stop for now...
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